Holding Both.
One of the things I have been thinking a lot about lately is the sheer amount of information, opinions, and perspectives all around me. We live in an era where there is an abundance of differing points of view and it is harder and harder to sift through all the pieces of information out there. Lots of my colleagues, as well as many online resources, are advocating limiting the amount of information time that you spend online or reading the news. There is an acknowledgment that limiting exposure to stress could be beneficial for your overall health.
And I think I’m wondering if that is the best option.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of limiting stress, it’s a total lifesaver in my own life and I never want to lay shame on people who are trying to balance their life obligations. Mainly, I have been reflecting on if that is the most effective way to address the stress. When I work with people who struggle with persistent anxiety, I often begin with the plan of limiting stress, this can help people who are struggling with an overburdening of distress to find a bit of balance. I also know that “long-term” people don’t end up overwhelmed by accident. To that end, I have been thinking about how we can build skills to live in the world of “too much”.
How can we hear information from many sources and process our personal truth? How do we see a lot of hard things and also remain hopeful? how do we feel so many emotional situations and still manage to achieve peace internally? In many ways the skill is in these questions: how do we Hold Both?
Holding both is the difficult but straightforward task of seeing differing perspectives and allowing them to coexist. Looking a a conflict and seeing that both sides have motivations that are driving them. It is the skill of nuance and subtlety and it is in short supply these days. I work to encourage this in myself each day as I stay engaged in an increasingly stressful world. I talk to my family and my partner about it and we discuss how we can navigate interactions with more skill. I also work to give myself grace for not getting it right every day. As I have worked on how to hold both over the years I have found that a lot of times, I mess it up. I fail to do it and fall into a polarized worldview. Even in these moments, I have found that I can work on how to give myself the grace to try again. The reality is that I can be both an expert in behavioral health as well as a learner at the same time. Finding these moments where I can hold both my strength and my struggle has been a gift that I feel grateful for in my own practice.
In the next few weeks, I would invite you to look at times when you are feeling stuck with the world. Where you might be overwhelmed with information, or struggling to find a balance between two differing points of view. Ask yourself if there is a way to Hold both. look for a way to acknowledge the truth in two perspectives or realities. Don’t try and change anything, just see if for a moment you can be in between the two stresses or demands. Maybe it would feel different.
